I'd Rather Forget Chapter 2

Long Awaited Dream



My arms wrapped tightly about me as we walked about the sunny grassland. All that could be seen were the regular creatures; wolves, tortoises, toads, snakes, cats. I wasn’t among the main team at the time, so I had no need to worry as Vaan and Basch walked beside me, eyes ahead of them as the girls battled through a pack of cats. I winced hearing the crack of Thundaga, breathing deeply as Fran curaga’d Penelo and Ashe’s pain away. The knight and thief before me barely noticed my apprehension.

Being in the Tchitia Uplands made me very nervous; we were close to Balfonheim, which was the length of the Cerobi Steppe away, though that one was known to be more dangerous so we would have to trek it later. Sadly, at the same time, we had to go through the Sohen Cave Palace; it was on our way to Archades, where I was to face my father. The memories of what the judges did to me in Sohen cave still stood vividly in my mind, making me want to retreat. Take Fran’s hand, and run to Balfonheim, forget the Princesses mission. I’d be safe from nightmares in Balfonheim, where I could drink my woes away.

Listening to them talk, I heard Basch call my name. Quickening my pace, I jogged to stand next to him, “we need you up front. Remember we’re trying to strengthen ourselves equally, so no one falls behind.” I nodded, knowing the hidden words. He didn’t want me to get lost in my thoughts, in case we came upon something too big, and they needed my healing abilities. I don’t know why they didn’t give them to one of the little ones, but I didn’t ask. It was our location that was riling me up, not how they sapped my MP because they wanted to run around killing anything in their tracks. Nodding to Fran as she joined the group, I walked by her, pulling out my gun and ammunition. They were upon a group of Malboro’s and I sighed inwardly, mentally counting the amount of healing items we had. Watching them easily slay the creatures before being affected by any sort of ailment, a followed, shooting and healing where I needed to as we made it to the cave.

“You sure this rabbit hole is really the way to Archades?” I heard Vaan sigh, almost like a groan, as we entered, looking about.

“Better a hare unseen, then a rat in a trap.” I replied coolly, stepping close to the young Dalmascan, looking down at him. “Then again, I you’d prefer to go knocking on the front gates of the city, be my guest.”

“But what about once we’re inside?” Curse Penelo for being the smart one. Details, details, what did it matter? “Won’t the city watch find us?” Basch and Ashe had their eyes on her, seeming to agree with what the teenager said.

When Ashe spoke, she seemed solemn, as if she was close to defeat. “We’ll do what we can to blend in with the crowd. Our names may be notorious, but out faces are not far known.”

“True, true, you’re a princess, and we didn’t even recognize you.” Vaan approached her, and arms crossed, I resisted the need to smack him across the head. The young man needed to learn a lesson on how to speak to women! Honestly!

“I noticed,” the princess held a harsh tone in her voice as she walked away, Penelo covering her mouth, almost embarrassed by her friends word. How can she stand him? I can only wonder.

“We’re remembering the hunt right?” I asked them all, arms still crossed as I watched the zombies and imps patrol the labyrinth that was the cave entrance. Though this was the Tchitia entrance, we were still far from the Old Archades one. The man who’d assigned the hunt had given us a key to the door, meaning we would be able to get through.

“Of course,” Ashe scowled, and I sighed, the woman was too high strung for this. Understandable of course, but rather annoying at times, especially when it made Basch more stressed as well. While the signs of him being stressed were not noticeable, after being around him long enough, I’d begin to notice them and wish she’d calm down.

“You need a break.” I rested a hand on her shoulder, “you’ve built up your strength enough, Basch can come out and assist us.” She was about to speak, but I shook my head. “If we should come upon the hunt, we can either call upon Fran for assistance in keeping him up. Otherwise, rest, you’ve worked hard enough.” Nodding to the soldier, I continued to walk, ignoring the small giggle Penelo let loose before skipping up to follow next to me. Basch jogged ahead to take the lead, and the brunt of the damage we would be receiving while going through the caves. The distractions of battle were a welcome thing as we walked through the tunnels. It kept me unaware of the memories pressing for my attention.

Once they opened the door, and came upon the Mandragora’s, I pushed Penelo behind me. “Send Fran forward. We’ll call for you if we need you.” I murmured, watching Basch try to memorize their pattern. Once the viera was at my side, I ran up next to the soldier, eyeing the group of creatures cautiously. Listening as Basch cast dispelaga, I shot the closest one of them, listening to the release of Fran’s bow behind me.

When the battle was over, I breathed a sigh of relief, leaning against one stone wall for support. “We should continue to explore, see how much farther we can go.” Basch murmured, sitting on his heels next to me, absentmindedly curing a small wound on my leg. Fran had been mending her own, whilst I was too busy with the soldiers to notice my own pain.

Whispering a small thank you, I slowly slid down the wall, thankful there were no beasts here to fend off. Sitting for a moment, I cocked an eyebrow, curious at how they were all looking at me. “Is it okay if we rest a moment before continuing on?” My tone was dark, but I couldn’t help it. This place was a living nightmare for me, and they were too busy focusing on their mission.

It seemed Basch noticed how in pain I was on the inside, and he nodded. “We may rest for a moment, and build up our strengths before moving on.”

Fran nodded as well, shaking her hair from her eyes. “We must build up our magicks, and see if there is a rejuvenation cryst about.”

I couldn’t stop the laugh at Vaan’s shuddered, the others chuckled a little, as the young man complained. “Last time we found one in a creepy place, it was a bug instead!” He whined, looking as if he were going to stomp his foot in protest.

“Aye, but crystal bugs are stationary, they do not move.” Basch shook his head, “if we needed time to heal, all we need to do is move out of its attack range.” Everyone nodded, even me as we eyed the sighing thief.

“We rest here tonight, once we find the cryst. There should one here.” Fran extended a hand to me, lifting me up. Brushing myself off, I stalked past them, not wanting to really speak to anyone. I would have rather not spent a night in the cave, but it seems everyone was determined to. Being out numbered wasn’t pleasant, and rather than taking my anger out on someone, I am just going to find the nearest beast to hurt.

To my dismay, the only one I came upon was a crystal bug in the guise of a rejuvenation cryst. Sighing, I pulled out my gun as Basch and Penelo ran past, attacking the angered creature. As usual, I merely sat back, curing and attacking whenever needed. Amazingly, it wasn’t much. Seemed we’d strengthened up a good deal while out in the uplands. Once finished, I stalked silently away back into the large space where we’d fought the Mandragora’s, ignoring any call for attention. I was in too much of a bad mood for their comments, and tomorrow was likely to be worse. How could it not be? I was going to be up all night with nightmares after sleeping where they took place.

Laying out our things on the ground, I took my sleeping bag to one corner of the hall, curling up with my things. I wouldn’t be able to take out my stuffed toy tonight, as there was company present to see. Pushing the bag, with it in it into the corner of where I was sleeping, I hugged my knees to my chest, trying not to look fretful as I watched them approach their things, Fran’s eyes clearly on me. She whispered something to the knight, gesturing to me, and I couldn’t help but huddle further into my corner, pouting slightly at the grumbling my stomach made. We hadn’t eaten since venturing off that morning, so it was obvious I’d be hungry now. Though, I didn’t feel like eating, I would have rather fallen asleep, to a dreamless night. I’d welcome it with open arms.

My viera partner approached, reaching out and running her fingers through my hair, laughing softly as I closed one eye to look up at her with annoyance. “You will not bring your companion out tonight?” I blushed, realizing what she was talking about, shaking my head vigorously.

“No, I’d rather not lose my dignity.” Resting my chin on my knees, my eyes scanned the soldier’s boots with mild interest, not wanting to look up into their sympathetic eyes. The soldier had been working more and more information out of me in the time of our travels. Though, it was only that I had a stuffed toy I slept with, that I’d not received much sympathy in the past, and other basic things Fran knew. No details. Never any details.

“You sleep easier with it. Please, Balthier, spare what little dignity you can, and bring it out…” Her voice is soothing, but I won’t give in. Not until Basch, with all his stubborn determination, reaches behind me, and pulls out the little plush doll of Judge Magister Gabranth. Hugging my knees tighter, I buried my face deeper in the valley between my legs and chest, feeling the tears coming from my eyes. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, growing worse at the startled noise Basch made, and how I could hear the others approaching.

“Wh…who gave you this…?” The man’s voice was hoarse; when I looked up I found his own eyes on the brink of tears.

“The judge magister himself, he made it for me to calm me during nights he wasn’t there. He, Zecht, Zargabaath, and Drace were like my protectors. Though, Zargabaath was in charge of the army, Zecht regularly sent off, and Drace was busy with little Larsa. Gabranth was my main aid in times of need. In the beginning I would come to his office crying, after he’d found me trembling in the court after one nightmare of course. When my father began punishing me severely for waking him after these terrors, Gabranth had made me that, hoping it would calm me when he was sent off on tasks…it did.” Taking it back from him possessively, I pulled off the little felt helmet, smiling slightly at the cloth face. “He once told me I was more like his son then Cid’s. When I was readying to runaway, he was the one that cried the most…that’s the only thing I regret about leaving. Hurting him.”

“Someone’s always hurt when you run away…” Basch murmured, lowering himself to one knee, running his fingers through my hair in a comforting manner. Ashe, Vaan, and Penelo were silent as Fran and the soldier tried to comfort me.

“Is he going to be okay?” The young dancer’s voice was soft as she rested a hand on Basch’s shoulder, her eyes focused on me, making me flinch nervously. “Maybe we should get out of here, and find another way into Archades.” Both her an I ignored the annoyed sound the princess made, most of the group concerned for me, the Archadian’s, well being.

Shaking my head, I sighed, “no, the best way is through here. It leads to Old Archades, which is a short distance from the royal city. Any other way is difficult.”

Frowning, Basch looked me right in the eyes. “Then Fran and I are best to rest here with you to make sure nothing goes wrong. The others can sleep elsewhere in here. At least some of us are going to get some sleep.” He rested a finger on my lips before I could speak, looking to the others. “Go, Fran and I will watch him.” Shooing them off, he turned back to me. “I’ll get our things, you just get settled.” Nodding, I began undoing my vest, blushing at how Basch watched me, remembering vaguely how only Fran had ever watched me remove it. The first time she’d told me how she was amazed I could get it off so quickly with how the latching went.

I listened as the soldier coughed, turning to approach the pile of things, leaving me to my undressing. “Should we eat before resting?” I called to him, listening absently as Fran went through my bag for anything else I would need to survive the night.

“It would be wise, we’ll need the strength.” Nodding, Basch went through the bag of food stuffs, calling to the young ones. They ran over, I had to hold back a smile at how Ashe reminded me of a peasant girl with how she acted when she was calm. I knew she would go back to being royalty when this was over, and how it would break Penelo’s heart, but being like this made me glad I followed. I could do without the nightmares though…

Feeling Fran wrap a blanket about my shoulders, I yawned, hugging the toy to me tightly as I stood, kicking my shoes to one side. I’d worry about my pants once sleep time came, right now; I was hungry, and feeling more sociable then before. Which was to my benefit, it would assist me in forgetting my location. “Should I pull out the food?” I asked Basch in passing.

“Vaan’s on it. You just sit down and rest.” Smiling a little, he continued on, leaving me feeling a little useless. Though I knew he didn’t mean to, I just liked having something to do with myself instead of sitting idly waiting.

Seating myself, I sighed; watching Vaan drag the Courel’s corpse over, listen to him mutter about sending Penelo out alone. Cocking my head to the side, I observed Ashe, who seemed interested too. “What was she sent out for?” Just the thing I wanted to know and it was good she asked.

“Fire wood.” The thief grunted, finally bringing the meat to its destination, wiping the sweat off. “Hold on a sec if you’re going after her. I’ll follow you out.”

Remembering that Fran and I were their healers, I immediately had to butt in. “Aren’t you going to bring Fran?”

“We can get Penelo to change her gambits. Don’t worry.” Smiling reassuringly, she ran off, ignoring Vaan’s yells. It appeared that she was more concerned for the young dancer’s well being, then for how close he was to joining her.

Laughing softly to myself, I jumped at the hand suddenly placed upon my shoulder. Breathing deeply, I looked up into Basch’s apologetic eyes, resting one of my hands on his. “Would you like to place the rocks down for the fire pit?” His voice was soft, filled with concern. Nodding, I shakily brought myself to my feet, brushing off the dirt. Staring at his shoulders, I had to push aside the brooding thoughts of how small I was, and strode past, tying the blanket about my neck like a child’s cape. Fran alone brought on enough of those ideas; I didn’t need another to make me feel depressed. Though, I was sure if I warmed up to him enough, he would be like another Galbranth for me. I just had to remember it was Basch I was talking to, not a Judge of the Empire.

It was not long after that I’d collected together the rocks to make the pit, and the younglings came in, each carrying stacks of wood in their arms. They set the pieces down, watching as I set the circle of stones for them to place the wood in. “Did you bring ones for us to cook the meat on?” I asked no one in particular, merely hoping to receive a reply.

“I saved the spit from the last fire.” Basch spoke, kneeling next to me as he began setting the wood in the circle. The others couldn’t do it as Penelo was busy removing splinters from her comrades. Her hushed reprimands indicated that she had done this sort of thing before, and knew how to not receive an injury. Unlike me, who had lived a high, privileged life, and never knew hard labour until I was about sixteen. Even then, due to my sheer laziness, and spoiled history it was difficult to get me to lift a finger. Few of my mentors were capable of getting me to.

Galbranth, Zecht, and Zargabaath were the main three. Drace spoiled me in my mother’s place, and Ghis and Bergan preferred to torture me. Thus, when it came to anything I truly needed to get by in life, my three mentors were there. It is true how Galbranth is more like my father. Through my training, he was the one to wake me, dress me, teach me, and encourage me, everything my own father forgot to do.

Left to my own brooding, I sat back in my corner. Dinner had been delicious, and I’d have to remember to ask Basch where he’d learned to cook sometime. Better than many of the Archadian cooks I’d been through, that was for sure. Though, they thrived more on decorating common meals. Basch’s, while not all appealing in appearance, were exotic in taste, and exquisite in taste.

Patting my full stomach, I leaned back in my blankets; the one Fran had given to me wrapped about me as I admired the ceiling. Hearing footsteps approach, I noticed it was darker, and that two figures were growing close. Fran’s high heels clicked on one side, the soldiers thudding footsteps on the other. A comforting reassurance, as rarely did I have people sleep this close to me. Fran usually slept further away, but it seemed with the knight’s kind urgings, she drew closer, each one within reach should I, or they, need to reach out for comfort, or in comfort.

Curling up in a ball, I held the little stuffed toy tightly to me, tucked in my own cocoon of blankets. Within a few minutes I could hear Basch’s snoring on one side, and Fran’s soft murmurs of sleep on the other. Closing my eyes, I breathed softly, the last thoughts being of the brave knight, and his brother.

“Why are you leaving?” He approached me from behind, as I packed my things in my room. The gloved hand rested on my shoulder, halting my progress. Breathing deeply, I looked up into the sad blue eyes, only outmatched by the sadness in my own.

“I can’t live like this anymore, Galbranth. I need to leave this place. I’m tired of father blaming me for things out of my control, I’m tired of Ghis and Bergan’s torture, most of all I’m tired of all the others soldiers ridiculing me. I wanted to work with airships, not become a Judge, and have to follow orders. I hate orders!” Hugging myself, I fell onto the neatly made bed, knowing Drace had probably come in while I was asleep and made it. She would usually tend for me even though she was only assigned to be Larsa’s caregiver. The little boy didn’t seem to mind though; I was like another big brother to him.

The Judge was silent for a moment, watching as I carefully set the toy he gave me into my bag. “You could stay with me.” He choked out, getting onto his knees, and taking my hands into his. “Please, Ffamran, just don’t leave us. Even if many others don’t care, it would break Drace and I’s heart.”

“It’s Balthier now.” I said coldly in response to my true name. “And while I will deeply regret leaving you two, I can’t stay here much longer. Wild birds can’t survive in cages.” Running fingers through his hair, my head darted to the window, finding the viera I was to be leaving with there, tapping the glass with her long nails. “Excuse me,” moving quickly away from him, I opened the window, letting the silver haired beauty in. “You’re early.” One eyebrow cocked, I smirked as she shook her hair from her eyes.

“I grew tired of waiting. The humes simple amazement at having a viera in their presence is bothersome. They do not know when to stop staring.” A slight scowl on her lovely features, she stood, waiting patiently now. Not bothering to comment on my company.

Nearing him, I smiled sadly. “My partner is here, as you can see, I still have some packing to go through. Tell Drace I am sorry for leaving without saying good bye, but it had to be done.”

“What of the others?” Galbranth asked quietly, staring at the floor.

“Zecht and Zargabaath can receive an apology too. But Ghis and Bergan can rot in the Sohen Cave for all I care.” Snarling, I shoved the last of the possessions I would need into the bag.

I hadn’t heard him stand, and I couldn’t resist jumping once I was pulled into strong arms, held close in the warm embrace. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you in time…” He murmured softly in my ear.

“Not your fault…” Patting his hands, I pulled away, closing my back. “Good bye,” I nodded to him, following Fran out the window. “And I’m sorry.” Swallowing hard as I left, my heart broke, as my last sight of him, was the first time I’d ever seen the Judge cry.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Balthier!” Feeling clawed hands on my shoulders, I quickly woke to find the knight, and my partner leaning over me with concerned expressions. Groggily, I sat up, holding one hand to my dizzy head. Staring at them, I was glad to at least know it wasn’t a nightmare, the fact was held up by the echoed snoring of the thief.

“What is it?” I yawned, cocking one eyebrow.

“You were talking in your sleep. We were worried.” Basch ran his fingers through my hair.

“Just a dream.” I shrugged, “not a nice one, but better then a nightmare. I dreamt of Galbranth. The only bad part about it was remembering how he cried when I left.” My eyes stared at the toy in my hands, sighing deeply as I hugged it to myself.

Nodding Fran rested her head on my shoulder. “I remember he was desperate to keep you with him.”

Feeling Basch lay on my legs, I smiled a little. “Now that you know I was only talking to the Judge in my sleep, may I rest again? I am likely not to get another good night’s rest for a while.” They chuckled at that, unanimously agreeing that I needed rest, and going back to their respective spots. Smiling myself, I curled back to rest, curious if I’d have another good dream or not.