I'd Rather Forget Chapter 3

Take Me Away



When I woke, it was to shuffling of feet, and orders being called by Basch. Sitting up, I noticed everyone was working, but me. I could feel my cheeks flushing in embarrassment at not being awake to help them. Why didn’t they wake me to assist them? I was used to working on little sleep, and while I might sometimes get cranky, it was no big deal. So why were they moving about as if it didn’t matter that I continued to sleep?

Sitting up, I watched Basch prepare the morning’s meal, Fran rolling together hers and Basch’s belongings. Beyond her, on the other side of the hall, Vaan, Penelo, and Ashe were all conversing and packing their own things. They only noticed I was awake when Fran jumped, noticing I was now sitting up. It seemed that her hearing would occasionally fail when it came to me, and she was distracted. Then again, she is used to me making noises in his sleep. It must just be because I have not spoken yet. Usually if she woke up before me I would complain about her not waking me. This would be no different.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” I asked, yawning and stretching my arms, giving her and the ex-knight a dark look. Judging by the accusing look the princess gave Basch, it was likely his and Fran’s collective idea. Arms now crossed over my chest, I stifled a second yawn, eyeing her in an annoyed manner.

“You needed more sleep. Now rest some more. We will be venturing deeper into the cave, and you will need all the rest you can get. I can see more nightmares coming, and your sleep will be plagued till we escape here. Because of this, you rest now, in preparation for later.” Running long fingers through my tousled hair, she gave me a soft smile. “Rest Balthier, we’ll wake you when it’s time to eat.” Picking up my toy from where it had moved to during my sleep, she placed it in my arms, gently pushing me back onto the makeshift bed.

Nodding reluctantly, I rolled over on my side, watching Basch smile thankfully to Fran out of the corner of my eye. Sighing, I cuddled up close to the stuffed doll, pulling the blanket tightly over my shoulder, burrowing deep into the covers. Thankfully it was warmer then outside my cocoon, so sleep wouldn’t be a hard goal to reach. Despite the urgings of my motherly companions though, I didn’t want to sleep. I’d would rather be helping them cooking and packing up then sleeping till time for food.

While last night’s dream was a content one, who knows what the one to come would be like. A loud sigh escaped my lips as I held Gabranth tightly in my arms. Eyes closed, I bit my lip, hoping for the best…

“Captain Azelas, take them to Shiva.” Judge Ghis ordered as he greedily inspected the nethicite. Being the son of the researcher into nethicite, I should have known it would be such a thing. How stupid of me. Even the one I’d sought in the castle was nethicite, the very thing I’ve been avoiding all these years. It seems when you run from your past, it will catch up with you quickly. “They should have leave to return to Rabanastre soon.”

Turning, we all began to speak, until he spoke up again. “Leave that one with me for a moment,” halting in terror, I felt all eyes on me, though my back was to the despicable Judge. Straightening my back, I swallowed, turning to approach the man I loathed of my own will. Everyone but one imperial left, Vossler I could see, out of the corner of my eye, was at the door. I wanted to hurt him with all my might, for supplying a power hungry country with what it seeks. Meeting the Judges gaze, I crossed my arms impatiently, wanting to know what he wanted me for. I could tell he recognized me, though I didn’t want to voice it in front of the others. They wouldn’t know or understand why.

“A want you to assess its power.” Ghis moved over to one of the lab workers.

“Were our orders not specified that we return the stone for testing?” The worker sounded suspicious. I was too, hearing this.

“I will not chance returning, with a stone that is yet unproven.” The judge retaliated, handing him the stone.

Once the worker was gone, he turned back to me, a cruel smile on his face. “So, Cid’s boy has resurfaced. Last I heard of you, you were off pirating castles. Saving damsels now?” As he moved closer to me, I quickly backed away, nearing the window, I climbed up onto the sill, swallowing as he continued to draw closer. “As fretful about me as ever, I see.” He licked his lips at that, and I blushed, wishing the others were still here. At least then I could prove to be stronger than this fear burrowing in my gut.

A gloved hand reached up to stroke my face as I watched Vossler, out of the corner of my eye try to intrude. He was quickly shunned away by the one in the room, and I held back a whimper. My last hope was gone now, and I was left with this maniac.

Hugging my knees, I tried to make myself as strong as possible as he chuckled. “Please, let me go back to the others,” begging eyes looked into his, turning wide with fear as he removed one of his gloves, slapping me with it. Blood trickled down my cheek as the metal on the glove sliced through my skin. The now free hand moved down my body, and to my horror, he grasped my ass, the other hand slithering around to grab the other side, lifting me off the still. “Put me down!” I cried, writhing in terror. Punching his shoulders, I whimpered as his lips connected with mine. I could feel his hard length pressing against my leg, he was growing excited by my fear.

I was bent over a nearby desk, hands feeling me from behind, making me whimper pathetically. “I could order for all your friends to go…” He purred in my ear, one hand removing my pants. I sobbed as he continued to remove my clothing, the bare hands spanking my ass. “Send them away, and keep you here…Bergan and I have really missed you. You’re screams, cries, whimpers…” The hands parted my ass cheeks, and a finger slid in, “I could even as your father to sell you to me as a slave. I’m sure Vayne would allow it.”

“No! Please!” I screamed, trying to pull away. He pinned me down with all his weight. Ordering the lusty eyed soldier over, he told the man to hold my hands, and that he could to anything he wanted to my mouth.

“He’ll be out of fight soon, rest assured.” The judge sneered, fingers running through my hair. I sobbed as both removed their pants, the guards erect cock coming into view. “Please…no…” I was hopeless now, even as Ghis began sliding the familiar length into my ass, and I clenched about it in memory. It was the cock that had raped me so many times as a teen, and now, it plagued me again, raping me mercilessly. And just like the old times, it was with out any preparation.

It felt as if Ghis’s length was splitting me in half, the pain was so tremendous. Clinging to the guard, I was about to scream, but found my mouth full of his throbbing member, chuckles erupting from both men. Crying, I rocked between them, the relentless Judge slapping my ass, as if I were a child in need of punishment. Though this was no punishment worthy of a child, and only the kind a malicious pervert would deal out.

The guard merely busied himself tugging on my hair. He grunted small orders to me, treating me as if I were an unwilling virgin, or some flighty whore in need of guidance. Being neither, I wanted to make him stop it, but the force of both of them holding me in place prevented that.

The sudden flow of semen into my mouth made me choke as the guard came, leaving only Ghis, who was still pounding into my broken, unwilling body. The guard pulled away, sitting down as he tucked his spent member into his trousers. Patting me on the cheek, he waited, just like I, for the Judge to finish his torture of my anus.

The grotesque man was panting heavily above me as he began to reach climax. It was a disgusting symphony for the ears, their pre and post-orgasmic sounds. Hands over my ears, I grimaced, licking the guard’s semen from my lips as I waited for the man to finish. It should be soon though, knowing Ghis’s age, and how he was currently pounding into the unprepared young man he’d been dreaming about. It was disgusting to know Ghis had been longing for me all these years…

Once he finally came, back arched, pounding into me one last time, he staggered back, holding himself steady against one of the walls. Quickly I began pulling my pants on, covering my eyes as silent sobs broke through me. I’d have to compose myself before I went back to the others. Act as if I didn’t just get raped. They wouldn’t care…I was just the silly sky pirate to them. They’d only assume I was asking for it. Only Fran would console me…in her cold viera ways.

Before the judge could say anything, or even reach out to grab me, I ran for the door. Filthy and torn again, I sought out solace in the only place I could, Fran. She was beyond those doors, and I had to get through, to have her hold me, and tell me that everything was alright. If I had the strength, or even the bravery, I’d take the guards sword, and kill both of them as they lay in post-orgasmic bliss, but deciding against it, I stayed facing the door. Opening the door to the dock, hands out to be cuffed, I was faced with the sorrow filled eyes of the Dalmascan Captain.

“I’m sorry…I should have help…but they wouldn’t let me…I’m sorry.” He said, while trapping my hands.

“Not a word of this to the others.” I snarled, baring my teeth in anger. Only Fran, my rapists, and I should know what took place. Having him being one of the ones that knew kept me on edge, and wary. Would he think I was someone who was easily taken advantage of? Or would there be an unusual, awkward amount of sympathy to come from the man? I hoped not, though I also hoped never to see him again after leaving the dreaded ship, and Ghis.

Shoving my way past him, two large viera ears came into view, and long lithe arms almost embraced me as they pushed past the soldiers in her way. She was a comforting sight, and I nearly fell to my knees crying. A cock of her head to the side, and sad eyes, I could tell she knew what had happed, and it made me hurt inside more. I had to tell her, just had to…

“Balthier! Wake up!” The familiar voice of the viera sounded urgent and alarmed. Odd almost as at this time as it rang in my ears. Why would she be telling me to wake up during such a time…?

“Wake up, Balthier!”

A soft slapping sensation woke me from my slumber, and I blushed, looking up at my worried companions. Coughing, I rollded over to look at the ground blushing as they all continued to stare in fear at me. It was more fear with Ashe, Penelo, and Vaan though, as if I might attack them for listening into my nightmares. With Basch and Fran…their eyes showed genuine concern for me. Rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes, I felt an odd wetness on them and pulled them back, finding them tear soaked, as expected. So it had all been a dream. Though real as well, being a recollection of the time before Captain Azelas’s betrayal. It was a rough time for all of us but the orphans at that point, with Basch and Ashe consoling each other, and Fran consoling me. The mourning and sadness lasted for days before we could finally move on, though everyone disguised it as plan making time…

“You were having another nightmare…” Basch murmured, taking out a cloth and cleaning my tearstained eyes. “Writhing and crying…we were worried about you.”

Rolling onto my back, and quickly sitting up, I hugged my knees to my chest, looking warily at the youngest ones in our group. They didn’t move away though, wanting to know about my nightmare as much as Basch and Fran did. Swallowing, I finally spoke in a shaky voice, “it was Judge Ghis…another one about Judge Ghis raping me…though this time was more recent.” Resting a cheek on one knee, I closed my eyes as Basch’s fingers began running through my hair in a calming manner.

They all waited for him to continue, I could see Ashe holding her breath. They all, aside from Fran, wondering at what point recently could I have been raped by Ghis. One of the viera’s hands was rested on my shoulder, and I took it, grasping it for some of her strength. I’d need it for this confession.

“Aboard the Leviathan, after it was confessed that Captain Azelas was betraying us, and before we were shipped off to Shiva. When he’d asked for me to stay behind…he raped me then. I was lucky to get out. He wanted to keep me there as a plaything, like he used to.” Tears ran down my cheeks as I buried my face in my knees, sobbing silently. The memories building up hurt, though the incident was past. “I was fortunate that when we came upon Bergan, he was incapacitated before he could do anything to me.”

The blinking, confused eyes of the captain looked down in confusion at me, “but you still stayed behind.”

I nodded, remembering that day;

When I’d checked him, he seemed unconscious; I thought luck was on my side as I spoke with the others. Make foolish plans to head for Archades, all thanks to my big mouth, and watch the flirtatious Al-Cid hobble out of the temple. Everything was fine, though I wanted to go back, Fran close behind me, to take one last look at the Judge before we had to leave. Let the Kiltias pray for their fallen, peaceful leader alone, with only the refugee’s to comfort them. It was a sad thing that had happened here because of this man today. Thankfully, nothing more would happen with him dead.

Standing up, I made to leave.

“Ffamran…” a small voice called for me as I began to step away from the nearly lifeless body of the fallen judge. Stopping in my tracks, I watched the viera ears before me twitch. She’d heard it too. Breathing deeply, knowing the man could do nothing to me in this state, I looked over my shoulder at the dying Judge.

“Move on without me,” I called ahead to them, “I catch up momentarily!” With that, I spun on my heels, approaching the Judge. Falling to my knees, I looked into the familiar eyes, as a weak hand reached up to run fingers through my hair. Wincing at the contact, I felt a shudder run through me as he chuckled low in his through, coughing through it.

The weak hand pulled me down so our noses barely touched it. Fear was building up in me, as well as nervousness at his intentions. Lips connected with mine, and I couldn’t resist the whimper that escaped me as the hand wound around my neck holding me there. One of my hands steadied me, sitting on his chest, feeling the slow rise and fall of the dying man’s chest. Pulling back I stared into the cold eyes. “I’ll never forgive you, you know…” I murmured against his lips as he laughed.

“Matters not, I regret nothing.” The hand in my hair moved to my buttocks, and I could not help the gasp that escaped me. Quickly stumbling away, I shuddered as he let out a choked laugh, “you’re still the frightened rabbit you were as a boy, only more handsome. I just wish I could have lived a little longer to break that tight hind end of yours again.”

Gasping at those words, I quickly stumbled to my feet, eyes on the verge of tears. He and Ghis would never change, and they’d die as they lived; power hungry and filthy perverts. Fran was at the door, she’d seen everything, and as I ran to her, she gently wrapped an arm about me. I held back the tears, swallowed, and composed myself before moving on to leave for the rough journey ahead.

“Balthier!” The soldier chuckled, and I blushed returning from my reverie.

“I apologize, I was thinking. Back after fighting Bergan, I’d returned because he’d called me by my true name, and I wanted to see what he needed from me. It appeared molestation was on his mind, I am fortunate by then we’d already incapacitated him. Thus, all he could get was a kiss, and a grope of my hind end. Though I’m sure he got a splendid view when I left. Both of them proclaimed to have wanted to keep me around though. Lady Luck is ironically smiling upon me, and yet at the same time, shunning me away.” I scowled, resting my chin in one hand, pouting.

They all laughed with me, though some of them looked nervous. I didn’t blame them, such a topic must be quite awkward, especially when they thought I was such a tough, brave, pirate. Sadly, I had to break their image of me by falling to tears at my own misfortune. “May we eat now?” I asked softly, wanting to move on and get out of the terrible place as quickly as possible. We still had some time to trek through, and I wanted to get through it quickly. I’d feel better once we were in Old Archades, among the rejects that the high city threw aside to wallow in their own self pity, and foolish hopes. Many a time when I’d gone there, they’d said I was lucky to be born into money. Little did they know how unlucky I was to be raped at every chance by lusty Judges.

Basch nodded, pulling back and helping me up. I stiffened at the hand around my waist, but relaxed quickly, blushing as the ex-knight kissed my forehead in reassurance. He would not harm me; I’d have to realize this sooner or later. The sooner the better with how our relationship was growing to be more close and this I feared the most. How would he react to having a broken heart given to him so willingly? A heart that suffered years of breaking, torment, wear, and tear, left to bleed and never fixed. Could he fix it for me? Make the world seem right?

Though, I was tempted to pull away, alienate myself out of fear of rejection from the captain, but his grip on my waist prevented it. I was dragged to the pit, the meal out before me, and set down. There, he set a plate in my hand and began serving the food to me as the others cautiously approached.

“We make leave as soon as he is able.” Basch announced flatly, as if challenging anyone to question him. Wondering why he said that, I looked over my shoulder to find the Princesses mouth open, as if about to speak. As I eyed her, she shut it quickly, storming off. Her heart was in this, but me being only a sky pirate, and the estranged son of a mad man…she didn’t care what happened to me; only her Dalmascan people. Which would be why she’d run to protect Penelo.

Feeling slightly shunned, I hugged my knees again, working slowly eating my food as Ashe glared at me childishly. “Ignore her. She worries too much about what we have to do for this quest. Makes me wish she were a child again, so I could be the one to worry…” Basch sighed, seating himself next to me. “Her love is in her kingdom and its people, and you being an Archadian…”

“I was gone long before the invasion, and Nabradia’s fall.” I looked stiffly from him, to her departing form, “I’d run away about four years before the war, I’m more pirate, or inhabitant of Balfonheim then an Archadian.” Fingers went through my hair, and I tried to shove the insistent man away. He wrapped an arm about my waist, holding me close as I pouted.

“Aye, but she needs to work on realizing that not every Archadian is evil, and that not every Rabanastran is kind.” Resting his forehead against mine, he grinned, making me blush. How was it this man could have such an effect on me?

Coughing, I pulled away, focusing on the prepared meal before me. Eating quietly, I listened as the others crowded around, beginning conversation now that I was not feeling hostile. When it turned to the cave, I looked at them all. “We need to see that we are prepared. The Archadian’s and others locked powerful beings in here; the Mangragora’s were merely little wanderers that hunters would stumble upon. There are other dangerous beings in here, far worse than even the Imps and Zombies in the opening of the cave.” They all looked at me, as if curious as to how I knew. “Ghis had thrown me into a room not far from here. To see if I could escape, I went the other way…I soon found out a wraith was in there, and ran from it. Exiting into the other area…I came upon headless beings, and other such terrors. Running back into it…I was lucky I survived. Gabranth had found me missing and came to see where I was…He found me on the floor bleeding. He didn’t kill the wraith, merely picked me up and ran.”

A sigh escaped the princess, “so we prepare for a possible wraith?”

“We get as strong as we can, and supply up on restoratives, and strong weapons…though in our location, ‘tis best to focus on strength, treasures, and stealing restoratives. Use as little as possible, and our magic’s as much as we can. It’ll help us for the trek ahead.” I forked a piece of meat into my mouth, eyeing her out of the corner of my eye. She was a bit too determined at the moment on destroying Archades…or at least seeking revenge. I once had been, but the ones I sought revenge on were dead, and I was still fitful at nights.

“How good are you for the journey?” She asked quickly, making me want to hurt her. Rush, rush, rush, the princess needed to get laid. And I knew a Rozzarian prince, and a Rabanastran thief who’d be only too delighted to see up that skirt of hers. Though I’m sure Vaan only goes unconscious while she’s in battle formation to get said peek. Basch? Whenever she bends over he turns redder then a Rogue Tomato. I can even see Penelo blushing at times. It’s amusing though, Fran is wearing less, and it’s Ashe everyone’s fussing over the clothes of.

“Good enough, though I’d recommend depending on Fran more than me. I may freeze in the middle of battle, and I wouldn’t want that to happen.” A strong need for alcohol was running through me, and I hid my face in my hands momentarily. Emotionally I was drained, and with Ashe pressing for our journey to move on, things only grew worse.

“Don’t pressure him Ashe!” I heard Penelo cry from just across the pit from me, “he’s our only way in, and he might back out if you hassle him. Just give him a few minutes. This is all probably very stressful for him. How would you feel in his place?” The dancer’s hands were on her hips in a chastising manner as she glared at the older woman.

I smiled thankfully at the young orphan as Ashe choked a little, hands over her mouth in shock. A blush rose into her cheeks, and I rose, handing my cleared plate to Basch. “I’ll pack my things, than help you with the rest.” Quietly, I went back to my spot, picking up and dusting off the blankets.

The next while went by quietly, with everyone pulling back camp and moving on. Fran insisted on going on before me, and I couldn’t help the blush coming to my cheeks. I felt weak and helpless as she healed Basch, and Penelo. Vaan and Ashe were merely silent as they walked along side me, the princess giving me nervous glances as if I were going to lash out at her for pressuring me. I wouldn’t though, knowing she had her kingdom in her best interests. Pirates were just a mere nuisance; one of the common ideas between Dalmasca and Archades. We were left only to Balfonheim, making things rough as the port grew over populated by pirates, and would be pirates.

I was contented in my walking though, privately inspecting the tensing in Basch’s calves as he killed a headless beast. The way Fran shook her hair. The knights strong arms, thick thighs, sweaty neck, pulsing muscles. Cocking my head to the side, I was aware Vaan was talking to me, but not what we was saying.

Shaking my head vigorously, I turned a deep red, looking at the young pirate in training. “Yes?” my voice was weak, even to my own ears, and I couldn’t help but sneak another look at the object of my attentions. He cut down another pest, gesturing for us to keep up, Ashe quickly running ahead.

I followed the orphan keeping pace. Recognizing the area, my breathing halted momentarily. Opening the doors ahead, fight the monsters, walk through…fight the wraith. “We draw close!” I called to them, hugging myself and hoping we were strong enough. Poised at the door to the creature, I shuddered in fear. They entered before me, Basch, Fran and Penelo immediately moving in on the ghostly enemy. It hovered above them, and when it multiplied, I wanted to cry. There was now more than one thing before us to kill us all, and destroy my only friends.

Thankfully, we defeated it, and I fell to the ground, shuddering in fear. Basch ran over, taking me into his arms, whispering soothing words in my ear, trying to stop the flow of tears coming from my eyes. I sobbed into his shoulder, ignoring the annoyed scoff coming from the princess.

“I wonder how he ever survived Ghis and Bergan coming after him if he just flinches at being around a wraith.” She sighed, shaking her hair from her eyes.

Pulling back, I glared at her, “Ghis only held a sword to my neck that day, I didn’t expect him to recognize me. Bergan was dying by the time he recognized me. The wraith was a wild being that I thought would kill us all…like I thought he would kill Gabranth and I those years ago.” I stared at the floor solemnly now, playing with the soldiers vest.

“Ashe, while he may not have the strength you have…he has a unique one of his own, relating to his own situation.” Fran’s calm words made me smile a little as she rested a hand on the princess’s shoulder, calming her rage. “Yours is the strength of a fallen queen, and widow. His…is one of a broken man. You face yours with anger, his with fear. Your strength is moving on in life…his is facing his fears. I would say he is being pretty strong having made it this far without running in fear terror, no matter how many times I am sure he has thought of it.”

The lady’s eyes were on the ground now, and I could see she was contemplating the viera’s words. Slowly, she turned to me, taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry Balthier. I just wish to be done with this as soon as possible. I don’t want my people to be stuck in a profitless war any longer. I want to see them free of empire rule.” Tears fell from her eyes as she fell to her knees, crawling up next to Basch and embracing me. I was surprised by this, and giving Fran a thankful look, I used my one available arm to embrace her.

Suddenly the rest of them, even Fran, ran over to join in on the embrace. I could feel Vaan behind me, sandwiching me between him and the soldier. Penelo then came up next to the princess with Fran on my other side. Tears began to flow freely from my eyes now at this sudden display of love, and caring. We were a team for once, together without any fighting…or any of Vaan’s silly remarks. Though I had a feeling it would come up soon.

To my luck, it didn’t, we pulled apart, and moved on. I held Basch’s hand nervously for a moment, before he broke off, moving on to watch ahead of us. Swallowing, I stayed behind, hugging my shoulders once more. This time, Ashe and Vaan walked alongside me proudly, smiling away, and comforting me when I jumped. It was a welcome change from the glares, and scared looks. I would have to thank Fran some time.

The lift up to the dreaded Old Archades entrance came into view, and I fell to my knees, whimpering. Quickly, Basch lifted me, carrying me through. Weakly, I punched his chest as we moved on, glad there were no more beasts, or rare powerful beings. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I listened as Ashe unlocked the door to the entrance, whimpering lightly.

We were in the passage I’d been raped in. Everyone stopped as I wiggled, Basch setting me down on my feet. Slowly, I moved to the spot where they’d taken me many times before, a hand on the wall as I inspected it. In some places I could still see blood, making me want to vomit what food that was in me out. On the floor, I noticed some shredded clothing, and too my horror even long deep claw marks where I’d struggled to get away. Sticking a fist in my mouth to stifle the scream, I fell against one wall, sliding down it.

They all ran over, each one taking turns to give my living nightmare a disgusted look. “We rest here, and then move on.” Basch spoke, silencing Ashe and I’s protests. “Tis in your best interest Balthier. You need to face your nightmares, and here it is.” Lightly, he ran a hand through my hair, drawing a small sob from my lips. Quickly, he pulled me into an embrace, ignoring me as I punched his shoulders.

Oh how I could have killed him at that moment.

Setting up camp, they all ignored Ashe and I as we sulked near the entrance to the lift. We were equally unhappy with the arrangements. I’d rather stay in Old Archades, and she’d rather move on to Draklor. As the time moved on, I rested against the wall.

Dinner went by uneventfully, and I fought slightly as Fran and Basch put me to rest. With a loud huff, I curled up against the wall, a light whimper escaping my lips. The soldier embraced me from behind, Gabranth hugged up against my front. It was a small comfort, in the terror I was sleeping in.